Jokes-n-Quotes
"Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful."
-- Samuel Johnson
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
-- Plato
"There is no such thing as an unbalanced budget; you pay for it either in the form of taxes, or indirectly in the form of inflation or debt."
-- Milton Friedman
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."
-- Winston Churchill
"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
-- Abraham Lincoln
"The test of a student is not how much he knows, but how much he wants to know."
-- Alice Wellington Rollins
"Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance."
-- George Bernard Shaw
"If 'justice' requires an adjective, it isn't."
-- FCTA's David Swink
"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people"
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
"A book is a gift you can open again and again."
-- Garrison Keillor
"America is not divided by race, color, gender, or sexual orientation.
“America is divided into wise people and fools.
“And fools divide themselves by race, color, gender, or sexual orientation."
-- Author unknown, circa 2020
"There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no one independence quite so important, as living within your means."
-- Calvin Coolidge
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
-- Marcus Aurelius
"It's not brave to tell the truth on a cable news show and if you're not doing that you're really an idiot, you're really craven. You're lying on television? Why would you do that? You're literally making a living to say what you think and you can't even do that, please."
-- Tucker Carlson on Twitter, 04/24/2023, after being fired from Fox News
"Show me the man and I'll find you the crime."
-- Lavrentiy Beria, Stalin's secret police chief (No relation to Alvin Bragg)
"Check the premise"; "Consider the source"; "Follow the money".
Follow these dictums and you'll find yourself better informed in our age of misinformation.
-- FCTA's David Swink
"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, wouldn't be."
-- The Mad Hatter
"The dividing line in America is no longer between right or left; the choice is between normal or crazy."
-- Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders' response to President Biden's SOTU address, 2/7/2023
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
-- Mark Twain
"It's what we think we know that keeps us from learning."
-- Claude Bernard
"Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it."
-- Tom Lehrer
"Humorous Medical Exams" -- By Barbara Mikkelson, 3/11/2008
"Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right."
-- Isaac Asimov
"Florida is where woke goes to die!"
-- Gov. Ron DeSantis, 01/03/2023
"When it is not necessary to change, it is necessary not to change."
-- Lord Falkland, House of Commons on 11/22/1641
"Truth is incontrovertible. Panic may resent it. Ignorance may deride it. Malice may distort it. But there it is."
-- Winston Churchill
"Devotion to the truth is the hallmark of morality; there is no greater, nobler, more heroic form of devotion than the act of a man who assumes the responsibility of thinking."
-- Ayn Rand
"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't."
-- Mark Twain
"The worst wheel of the cart makes the most noise."
-- Benjamin Franklin
"We know they are lying,
they know they are lying,
they know we know they are lying,
we know they know we know they are lying,
and still they continue to lie."
-- Alexander Solzhenitsyn
"Fascism is the art of hiding the truth behind a facade of wholesome virtue."
-- David Bell
"Social Engineering - The art of replacing what works with what sounds good."
-- Thomas Sowell
"That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history."
-- Aldous Huxley
"Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom."
-- Francis Bacon
"In life, all good things come hard, but wisdom is the hardest to come by."
-- Lucille Ball
"Children in Church" (funny comments by kids) -- 6/16/2008
"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."
-- Mark Twain
"The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history."
-- George Orwell
"All tyrannies rule through fraud and force, but once the fraud is exposed, they must rely exclusively on force."
-- George Orwell
"A lie told once is just a lie, but a lie told a thousand times becomes the truth."
-- Joseph Goebbels
"Lawlessness is lawlessness. Anarchy is anarchy is anarchy. Neither race nor color nor frustration is an excuse for either lawlessness or anarchy."
-- Thurgood Marshall
"He, who will not reason, is a bigot; he who cannot, is a fool; and he, who dares not, is a slave."
-- William Drummond, Scottish writer
"Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide."
-- John Adams
"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome."
-- Samual Johnson
"Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times."
-- G. Michael Hopf, "Those Who Remain"
"A lie told once remains a lie, but a lie told a thousand times becomes the truth."
-- Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels
"If we are not careful, our colleges will produce a group of close-minded, unscientific, illogical propagandists, consumed with immoral acts."
-- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Those who vote decide nothing. Those who count the vote decide everything."
-- Joseph Stalin (et tu AZ, GA, MI, NV, PA, WI, VA in 2020)
"In reality they're not after me. They are after you. I'm just in the way."
-- President Donald Trump, 12/19/2020, after House impeachment vote
"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed
(and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by an endless series
of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary."
-- H.L. Mencken
"WARNING: This Link May Be Unsafe...
The link you are trying to access has been identified by Twitter as being potentially harmful to the Democratic Party's agenda or in violation of Woke cultural dogma. This link could lead to a site that: 1) Expresses conservative views; 2) Uses innocuous language that we just redefined as hate speech five minutes ago; 3) Makes you think for yourself"
-- "Mallard Fillmore" political cartoon by Bruce Tinsley, tweaking the Cancel Culture, 11/12/2020
"The Covid Mask" (parody rework of The Monster Mash) -- 8/10/2020
"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal."
-- Aristotle
"Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted."
-- Vladimir Lenin
"In our schools, our newsrooms, even our corporate boardrooms, there is a new far-left fascism that demands absolute allegiance. If you do not speak its language, perform its rituals, recite its mantras, and follow its commandments, then you will be censored, banished, blacklisted, persecuted, and punished. It's not going to happen to us."
-- from President Trump's Mount Rushmore speech, 7/4/2020
"Every record has been destroyed or falsified, every book rewritten, every picture has been repainted, every statue and street building has been renamed, every date has been altered. And the process is continuing day by day and minute by minute. History has stopped. ... Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past."
-- from Nineteen Eighty-Four, by George Orwell
"We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst."
-- C.S. Lewis
"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."
-- Ben Franklin
"Scratch a liberal and you'll discover a totalitarian screaming to get out."
-- David Horowitz
"The average age of the world's greatest civilizations has been 200 years. These nations have progressed through this sequence: From bondage to spiritual faith; From spiritual faith to great courage; From courage to liberty; From liberty to abundance; From abundance to selfishness; From selfishness to apathy; From apathy to dependence; From dependence back into bondage."
-- Scottish historian Alexander Fraser Tytler, 1787
"The First Ammendment is first for a reason. [The] Second Ammendment is just in case the First one doesn't work out."
-- comedian Dave Chappelle, Oct 2019
"Accuse the Other Side of That Which You Are Guilty."
-- Saul Alinsky's "Rules for Radicals"
"Wealth is like sea-water; the more we drink, the thirstier we become; and the same is true of fame."
-- philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, writing in 1851
"Catching the Wild Pig", a parable about society -- Anonymous
"The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those who vote for a living."
-- Anonymous
"Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor Who Can Stand On Their Own 2 Feet and who will not become a public charge."
-- Ken Cuccinelli, 08/13/2019
"Republics decline into democracies, and democracies degenerate into despotisms."
-- Aristotle
"The only thing worse than being blind, is having sight but no vision."
-- Helen Keller
"The past tells us who we are. Without it, we lose our identity."
-- Stephen Hawking
"Like a heartbeat, moral infatuation has a systolic and diastolic phase. In the systolic phase, there is an abrupt contraction of sputtering indignation: fury, outrage, high horses everywhere. Then there is the gratifying period of recovery: the warm bath of self-satisfaction, set like a jelly in a communal ecstasy of unanchored virtue signaling."
-- Roger Kimball, in IMPRIMUS, Feb 2019
"The theory of Communism may be summed up in one sentence: Abolish all private property."
-- Karl Marx, in the "Communist Manifesto"
"The Wit and Wisdom of Thomas Sowell"
-- Ricochet, 10/23/2015
"Modern journalism is all about deciding which facts the public shouldn't know about
because they might reflect badly on Democrats."
-- Jim Treacher, PJ Media columnist, Aug 2014
"There are some ideas that are so absurd that only an intellectual could believe them."
-- George Orwell
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
-- Mark Twain
"Evil preaches tolerance until it is dominant, and then it seeks to silence good."
-- Archbishop Charles Chaput
"Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted."
-- Lenin
"Rush Limbaugh's 35 Undeniable Truths of Life"
-- Updated 02/18/1994
"George Washington's Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation"
-- Circa 1774
"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer"
-- W.C. Fields
"Alexa for Elders"
-- SNL video (2:40), 05/13/2017
"Brains can be hired by the hour, just like muscles. Only character is not for sale at any price."
-- Antonin Scalia's Italian immigrant father
"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."
-- Ben Franklin
"Nazism, a totalitarian ideology based on racial supremacy."
"Communism, a totalitarian ideology based on class supremacy."
"Islamism, a totalitarian ideology based on religious supremacy."
-- Clifford D. May, in a Washington Times article, 07/11/2017
"The fundamental question of our time is whether the West has the will to survive."
-- Donald Trump, in Poland, 07/06/2017
"Failure is an option here. If things are not failing, you are not innovating enough."
-- Elon Musk
"Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it."
-- H. L. Mencken
"Liberalism is a disease from which you can be cured. Trust me, I'm a doctor!"
-- Krayton Kerns, DVM
"Why Do Californians Appear To Be So Confused?" -- 04/04/2013
"The media should be embarrassed and humiliated and keep its mouth shut and just listen for awhile."
-- President Trump's chief White House strategist Steve Bannon in a media interview, 01/25/2017
"The Budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest Rome will become bankrupt. People must again learn to work instead of living on public assistance."
-- Cicero, 55 BC
"If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed."
-- Mark Twain, later paraphrased by Denzel Washington
"Break classification rules for the public's benefit, and you could be exiled.
Do it for personal benefit, and you could be President."
-- Edward Snowden, June 1, 2016
"Trump for President? The Raccoons In Your Basement Analogy" -- by "S-N-A-F-U", 01/06/2016
"Two Americas" -- by Bob Lonsberry, 12/09/2013
"On being an American" -- by Theodore Roosevelt, 1907
"Political Correctness" -- as defined by President Harry Truman to Gen. Douglas MacArthur, 09/01/1945
"Butch The Rooster" -- Winner of two highly coveted awards
"Yogi Berra Quotes" -- by Yogi Berra, famous NY Yankee catcher and philosopher (05/12/1925 - 09/22/2015)
"Desiderata" -- by Max Ehrmann, 1927
"To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize."
-- Voltaire
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
-- Winston Churchill
"No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up."
-- Philosopher-comedian Lily Tomlin
"Screwtape Letters Quotes" -- from The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewis
"The experience of many ages proves that men may be ready to fight to the death, and to persecute without pity, for a religion whose creed they do not understand, and whose precepts they habitually disobey."
-- Lord Macaulay in the 1840s
"Quote of the Century" -- attributed to Václav Klaus, former Czech Republic Premier
"Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts."
-- Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman
"Americans don't solve problems, they leave them behind."
-- George Santayana
"How much good could a do-gooder do / if a do-gooder could do good?"
-- Paraphrase of the 'woodchuck' ditty
"We have nothing to fear but the low-information voter."
-- Paraphrase of FDR's words after Pearl Harbor
"If you LIKE your Obamacare, you can KEEP your Democrat."
-- Paraphrase of Barack Obama's promise on keeping your doctor
"The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money."
-- Margaret Thatcher
"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery."
-- Winston Churchill
"Do to others as you would have them do to you."
-- Luke 6:31 (The Golden Rule)
"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today!"
-- Popeye's portly friend Wimpy
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
-- Albert Einstein
(similar to Liberalism!)
"Those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it."
-- George Santayana
(... and re-elect a Liberal.)
"We have met the enemy and he is us."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly
"All government programs have three things in common: a beginning, a muddle and no ending."
-- Will Rogers
"Government is not a solution to our problem. Government is the problem."
-- Ronald Reagan
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler"
-- Albert Einstein